My pain is so tangible. I can reach it out and touch it. It’s everywhere, consuming me, killing me. I don’t even realise how long it has been eating me on the insides.
I always break. The actual physical ache that I feel in my chest and in my bones when I’m so sad is fucking awful and I know that it will never go away despite how much I put my emotions aside and believe that I’ll be a stronger person in the long run.
I think about the pain people go through when relationships and friendships break down and fall apart. How in the world we are expected to just get on with things and be okay when we’re barely capable of thinking a thought or memory that doesn’t involve the other person?
When you really care about someone, genuinely and deeply, love them with all your heart, it doesn’t just get vanished no matter how bad and terrible the ending is.
I really think that the whole reason for this pain is that we care so much. We don’t know how to deal with losing something or just a part of ourselves that once made us happy. Because we don’t want to.
I don’t know about anyone else but I wish that I could simply erase whole portions of my life or people from my memory at some points.
But I am so glad that I can’t.
Once I finally reach the point that I’m no longer sad or angry, I love looking back on the happy times and that ultimately I’m stronger. I love being able to point out my mistakes and learn from them. I love being able to remember people who were good to me at my bad time and supported me and also the people who were bad to me so I can throw up red flag next time.
And in the end, I’ll be happiest person the world will ever know.