It has been a year since you left me. If only I could keep a count on how many days left till I finally let go of you. It’s weird,you not being here,but now I have to accept that somethings are not meant to be fixed and some people are not meant to be together. I know I am too strong to fall apart from this one blow. I am too smart to cry over someone who wasn’t meant to stay by my side. I am too complete in myself to need anyone in my life,ever.
I don’t know how many days it takes me to let go of you,but I am not dumb enough to understand that this is not the end of the world. Because it is not.
Though I ask myself,what possibly would have been the reason for you to leave me like this. I don’t understand. I gave you all my love. I loved you with all my heart and now,now you have left me a you-shaped hole in my heart which I don’t know how long will it take to recover.
But dear,listen to me now,listen to what this broken heart wants to say to you.
In the blink of an eye,I will no longer remember the way you said my name and the feeling it caused in my whole body. I will not think about your hand moving on my skin,for even a second. I will not crave for your lips on mine. I will feel nothing when I see you calling someone else “mine” with the same sparkle in your eyes as you used to have when you used to claim me. My heart will not skip a beat after seeing your name appear on my cellphone,if it ever did. My heart will not yearn to see those shiny brown eyes of yours. I will not ache to touch your cheeks and push back hairs from your forehead. I will not replay the moment you left,a thousand times over in my head. I will stop everything.
And when I’ll look at you,between the classes,everything else will stay intact around us,until it’s just you and me in this world,like the way it used to be. I’ll pass you by in the hallway and maybe,just maybe,our shoulders will collide but then your touch won’t awake any kind of pain,love,lust or madness inside me. I will smile,love and laugh again. I will live again.
But right now,right now my world is falling apart. I can’t breathe. I needed you then. I need you now. I bury my face in the pillow,every night before I fall asleep,and scream because mere tears are not enough to let out all the pain that’s inside me. I can’t stop thinking about the way you said my name,the way your arms felt so strong yet gentle around me,the way I felt thousands of butterflies in my stomach when you told me you love me. But the most of all I can’t stop thinking about the way you told me how things have changed for you right before leaving me. And it pains me more than I can tolerate.
At this moment,no matter who tells me how amazing and strong and beautiful I am and how this heartbreak won’t even matter years from now,it will not help ease my pain. All the chocolates,love songs, jokes,rebounds and motivational talks in the world can’t help me. And right now,at this moment,no matter how strong I am,no matter how better off we are without each other,it hurts me. It hurts me to breathe. It hurts to live in a world where you’re not mine. And it hurts to think of a time when this pain will pass and it will stop hurting because then,my love, I would have lost whatever little I have left of you.